the adventures of pamalicious

I have such a bad taste in my mouth for niggas right about now. I’m angry at the whole lot of them.  I gotta get that together. It’s really bothering me. 

Really I haven’t been this torn about my peeps ever. It’s funny how your child can bring out some mess in yah. This whole ordeal with school and the issues surrounding it has just made me angry at what we do to ourselves.

The realization that the black folks and community I know is gone has been hard. We just don’t do it the same.

I’ve always had an issue with elitism among our middle and upper class but all of a sudden it’s starting to get real clearer.  We talk about how say ballers need to leave their hood friends behind - well I think I’m handing in my termination of lease with the hood - I gots to move!! 

I now look at our young men and just roll my eyes. I will NEVER know that you are smart intelligent and worthy of anything when your pants are down to your ankles, your hair is wild in them damn dreds or cornrows, you slurring your speech and you just looking random. Why is your mother going in a store knowing you wear a 34 in the waist and approving the 40’s that you picked out and then using her credit card to get them?!  Explain to me why a white catsuit is appropriate for school and why are you in the hall showing pictures of your 3 month old as you meet the rest of the 9th graders.

The only good thing about the girls is that it has remained constant for a lonnnng time now. There are usually three types: Everyday girls, the Athletic Ones and the hoes, lol  (we all know we had em in our High Schools) 

Sitting behind me talking about your cousin is fine as hell and you would FUCK HER!!!!!! In a room full of adults. The principal yelling and screaming and go so much base in her voice - several parents say “she sound like a warden” what happened to the three chimes and then the cheery principal comes on.

Boy comes in behind his loud momma on the phone and sucking his thumb!!!! This is HS!!!

The visual that I had coming up is gone. There’s a Stranger In My House!!  All I am asking for is diversity of experience for my child.  I would like to get it around my own people but now a days it is so hard. Why at a 90% Black School full of about 85% of the nonsense?  Yea this ain’t politically correct and I don’t give a damn!!  Ya’ll need to come get your bad ass children because your percentages are bringing our whole community down!!  I wish there was a team of Joe Clarks that just eliminated all the niggas out the group. 

I feel like I’ve been bamboozled all that love our people etc. etc. NO, LOVE SOME OF OUR PEOPLE.

I”m tired of having to ‘go to the other side’ to get the Got Damn milkshake machine to work at the freaking mickey d’s!!!!

Tired of us being on the news 24/7 with our fuckery and bullshit!

I’m just tired of the fact that we have allowed these niggas to become the representation of us and focal point for the entire world to judge us on. 

I talk to and hang out with black people who are doing the damn thing on the daily - why haven’t we taken over?  Then I turn the finger on myself…I’m now so busy trying to distance myself that I don’t wanna help no more.  Fuck em! and I feel bad about that.  I’m not just talking about our children, fuck the adults as well. 

Yet I love my people!!  Even the crack head begging for money has some redeeming quality - but we keep choosing to be slaves, don’t want to give it up, feel good in embarrassing ourselves on the daily for the whole world to see.  I don’t know what to do or how to feel.  I don’t want to be bougie about mines.  I don’t want to turn my nose up and act like they ain’t my ‘cousins’ - but I also feel like I want to.

Mini-me texted me today to tell me there are THREE STUDENTS IN THAT WHOLE SCHOOL taking Orchestra. Which is something she enjoys been playing for three years. The band is bumping though SIGH. 

Ok this is rambling but I just had to let this spill forth. Anyone else?