the adventures of pamalicious

I talk to much!  I never shut up! SHUT UP!  I was thinking about this the other day. I am a talker.  I could talk all day if allowed.  I talk to myself, lol  You ever just be filled with words?  It’s such a wonderful thing to do.  I’m not trying to be funny cause I love my friends but I know I’m a personality and I talk a lot and ain’t nobody really interested like that. I still hold the teenage idea of the 15 hour phone calls (lol) but folks got their own lives and probably think I should shut up about mines.  As I’ve said before though as much as I (1) talk, (2) blog etc.  the outside world still doesn’t know but so much about my life. I am a person who wants to give a daily download of the going on’s in my life.  However I temper it (or so I think) so I don’t get labeled that woman who tells all her business.  I have the art of weaving what I say more into a story as opposed to just sitting and yakking and I relate experiences in my life so that others might get something from it.  I talk out about inwardly things but it’s a give situation in my eyes and not a take - if you get what I’m saying.

I feel a bit lonely sometimes because in all my talk - I don’t know, I just feel sometimes like it’s just me talking in the wind.  I think what I am missing is more of a conversationalist tone of the vocals I share. 

I am entering the realm of paranoia that I go into sometimes.  I am feeling that I am boring folks, nobody wants to hear my stories and I just need to shut up.  YET I have so much more to say, lol  I want to tell every minute detail for instance of this move. There have been gliches and I like to work thing out aloud sometimes.

I’ve decided to pick back up pen to paper and begin keeping a journal again. I haven’t kept one since I first met Caun.  It’s time to flush out what I talk about here and get my thoughts back in order. 

This whole thing made someone come to my mind…Mobetta.  Being a conversationalist I miss him at these times. Even though it was in writing sooo much was passed between us. With him we had this exchange of ideas stories etc. Now CAUN and I talk nonstop. We have hours of convo a day but he’s in the moment with me I wish I had someone from an outside angle. I really feel I won’t ever have that again. It took years to build up that (aint this ironic) level of trust. Oh well he fucked that up STUPID LYING FUCKER!  so moving on. Well before I do, I told Caun about this and he basically steam rolled me about it.  He made some valid points.  How can a relationship built on lies be…real?  Is it real within the realm of the lies or was it never real?  IF he was really your friend, he would have told YOU about his wife and his wife about YOU up front. He certainly would not have thrown you under the bus and then make that punk ass move on the phone.  The same way you told me about him the second we got serious was the same protocol he should have used when it came to you.  He ended with Fuck Him and he needs to stop wasting folks time.  He ain’t nobody friends nowhere  OKAYYYY, I guess he told me and he even as I typed what I typed above…he makes sense, but I also make sense - if you can make any sense out of that, lol lol