the adventures of pamalicious

Well that isn’t the Cash Four - it’s how many days my child has been on the earth. I was thinking in the car this morning that this has been one doozy of a year for me and we are only 7 months into this whole 14 year old thing.  Of course, children can’t see that you are also growing and changing and how stressful it all can be. 

I mean no disrespect, I have a good kid and it’s damn near killing me, I have no idea how a parent who has real ‘issues’ makes it.  Kudos to you on the real. 

So much has gone on this 14th year of her existence.  I was just talking to her today about I was so tired of her 24 hour a day attitude like somebody did something to her.  If there ever was a time to drink and drug as an adult - this is it.  Let’s review what I’ve had to go through, cause this blog spot is about me, lol lol

• Being mad because I won’t get the flat stove top so she won’t have to clean the stove eyes
• Myspace
• The fight for freedom of hair
• Bedtime issues
• Phone Curfews
• The need to sleep 18 hours a day
• Can you ever come out the room
• Exactly how does your MP3 player give you all the therapy and parenting you need
• When did I become the most hated person on earth?
• When did I become the parent who is the wackest of all time?
• Yes you have two parents now and we both are going to weigh in and want to know what’s going on
• Dances - no not proms
• No you can’t read the black adult romance novels:  to much sex, to much fantasy and your hormones already poppin off like fireworks
• and of course Boys or should I say Boy..

I’m worn out just typing that stuff.  It’s a full time job, not to rear them necessarily as to balance it all out.  As knowledgeable as I deem myself to be, I am still learning while still growing.  I really don’t think after it’s all said and done that I have prepared myself, if I’m about to stroke out at 7 months into being 14. 

I think the thing that bothers me the most is the ‘perception’ that I’m a wack parent and that all the other parents are sooo cool.  She is the only one that even thinks this.  Her friends have to tell her constantly to calm the hell down - why are you acting so crazy about your parents being here, chaperoning us etc. etc.  My child hates me and it hurts. 

I stop myself on the daily from throwing myself at my mothers knees and apologizing profusely for….hating her at 14.

You wanna know what an even bigger issue is that I take full responsibility for….

She has what I call Raven Symoneitis - this is a disease that comes from letting Disney influence the views of your child when it comes to teenagdom.  They have single handily fucked up an entire generation.  Raven, Hannah Montana and nem flit around in fully decked out rooms, parents who smile and play music as they give their speeches, never popping em in the mouth. Raven has no curfew, she dates, I never saw her do a chore, the money just seems to flow - well welcome to the ‘middle class’ black child’s perception of the way it’s suppose to go.  They really don’t believe that it doesn’t happen that way.  It is very hard to present what you as a parent have worked hard for believing that you are giving your child the very best and they look at you side ways because some scripted show has told them - - that ain’t it! 

I regret letting that damn channel babysit her every day of my freaking life now.  It’s a hard perception to shake.

It’s funny. I remember telling her that I want to deal with Bill Cosby issues with her and not Degrassi High issues. So far she’s stayed in line with dear Vanessa (smile). I just really have been going through a lot inside emotionally as I have had to move far away from my continued ‘childhood’ and really put on my parent cap. 

Folks look to me like I have the answer. There are folks right now who tell me they are watching me closely because I’m trailblazing as their kids are on the cusp of this teenage thing. PLEASE BELIEVE THAT I, IRREGARDLESS OF WHAT I KNOW, AM STUMBLING..ALOT.  This is not coming easy to me, sometimes I’m scared I’m failing, I feel like I’m already on my reserve tank and I’m just getting started, lol 

This shit ain’t all it’s cracked up to be - but I’m in it to win it because I love this girl and I know somewhere deep down inside and sometimes even out in the public, she loves me to.  I will just wait patiently till she and I get to the place my mom and I am FINALLY at - I just hope it don’t take as damn long as it took us - cause I’m sensitive, lol lol