the adventures of pamalicious

Just like with American Idols Syesha, Sam Cook’s "A Change is Gonna Come" makes me emotional.  It is so haunting and relevant on a global and personal scale. Her singing it last night, was poignant because I see change happening in my life. 

I think I told you all that by some fluke, it turns out that about 16 or so members of my family are on Facebook.  All siblings and nieces and nephews. It has been an interesting turn of events in my life - to suddenly have a lot of them back in my life. You know I have 14 Brothers and Sisters and a whole heap of nieces and nephews and for the most part, we’ve all been estranged in some form or fashion for years now.  However, lately we’ve been talking, laughing, remembering and attempting to reconnect (those on the site). There is buzz in the family…again. Even some in-laws have joined the mix.  All of this pales actually to what happened last evening. My beloved niece (who is on the site) reached out to me and apologized for the things she said to me and came to me in peace and love.  This means SO MUCH to me.  I have been tormented in my private time by the way this relationship fell to the wayside and I am slowly yet eagerly looking forward to us re-establishing a relationship with one another.  I am so full with joy right now.  The thought of losing my niece was something I couldn’t wrap my mind around.  I’m glad she came to some understanding however she came to it and reached out.  We now have a group specifically for our family and we are tackling some difficult issues, but I see glimpses of sunlight over the horizon and though I’m not looking for a miracle and in some instances, things need to be left as is - any level of peace and calming of souls is needed and welcome.

Ya’ll I am feeling so strong!  I have always had a problem with strength.  Finding mines, believing in mines and being at peace with what is mine.  I know this might seem corny, but this whole education thing has definitely been a great thing for me at this point in my life.  It seems as if it’s all coming together.  I took this class about identifying and owning your strengths and as I sat in the class and had a lot to say in the class, it just all rained down on me that this is who I am, this is what I am comfortable with and irregardless of how much money it might make me, it’s my comfort zone. I need to be creative, I shrivel if I’m not using those skills.  With the advent of the internet, I’ve been able to exercise these traits in my life.  Now I am incorporating them into all aspects of my life.  Even if it seems as if there is no place or room for them - I’m doing ME and making it fit.  It feels GOOD to be contributing at work.  It feels GOOD to be running my Avon business and developing and sending out my campaign brochures to folks. I LOVE putting those together.  It feels GOOD assisting Caun with flyers, the myspace and other areas. It feels GOOD to flush out what way I want to interact with my HS class. My days are full and have evolved to a place where I don’t mind.  My life is not on automatic anymore - I have joined the traffic of the world and I’m comfortable with the speed and pace.  This is HUGE for me!  HUGE and I am reveling and thankful at this opportunity for growth.  There’s much more to look into and I still don’t know exactly where it’s going, but it’s no longer going in a circle and right now that’s good enough for me!

These are good times in the continued Emancipation of Pammie.  I am getting steady on my feet. I am holding hands equally with friends and family and my weight is not leaning to heavily on either.  I am working less on keeping up the swagger as it becomes more and more a natural part of being.  The facade is slowly turning into the reality - these are some of the best years of my life!  These are some of the best years of my life!

Well Mini-me is (GASP) under the weather so I’m home today tending to her.  I have to get in where I fit in because today I’m mommy and who knows when I’ll turn back into this ‘face’ that she keeps making and is about to get popped in the mouth about (lol)  Ya’ll be easy!