the adventures of pamalicious

Ok - so I was riding to work today and all of THIS and THIS was rolling through my head.  The conversation this sparked in my household was great actually.  Some of it further sparked some blog entries so let me being on what’s been on my mind as we start this Monday off…oh and I got ALOT on my mind - so you can go heat up your Smart Ones before you delve into this one…

I am 41 1/2 years old, I have gathered up quite a bit of life.  I have met quite a bit of people - I have had quite a bit of experiences. All of these things make me who I am, just like yours make you who you are.  I have never went into a relationship as a grown woman with the notion that (1) the person I’m digging on didn’t have a life before they met me and (2) that I should pretend like I haven’t either.

I can’t speak for others, but I don’t have a lot of burned bridges behind me.  Now I have acted funky as hell and have set some ablaze for the sole purpose of keeping folks from jacking up my sphere - but overall - I don’t have the drama in my life. 

I am 41 1/2 years old.  I found myself profoundly attracted to black men around 9 years old, lol  Because of being raised in the nation, I have always carried a bit bigger shovel when it comes to them - I will scoop up a lot of their bullshit in my attempt to continue to exalt them to the position of the most fascinating folks on the planet.  I have always maintained some sort of relationships with men.  They amuse me, I enjoy the alter conversation and I know some quite intellectual men who have caused me to think, grow and become stronger over the years.  I also have dated some super fine brothas! (in my opinion).  I’m not trying to date anyone who nobody else wants, lol lol  Why would I do that.  As well as, it would be crazy of me to think that the same things that have attracted me to a person somehow are in a vacuum and nobody else see’s these qualities.

I remember when I used to hate boys and they used to hate me, then I remember when they started to like me and I started to like them - then I remember when they started to have this knack for being my friend and I was able to date and be friends with who I dated.  Sometimes these friendships would long outlast the actual romantic relationship, lol.  I have never figured out WHY MEN AND WOMEN CAN’T BE FRIENDS?! Because I really believe that I have several men friends.  Do they want to fuck me? Might, but that’s the nature of man - I’m not tripping over that - because that’s in my hands - they can’t just fall on me (contrary to the popular belief that you slip and fall in the pussy - nah you don’t really, lol). 

1 out of every 4 people in this town apparently know Caun and 1 other is trying to know Caun, lol  If I were to spend all my time, going in his past and weeding out what I deem as a ‘threat’ (based on my own issues) and then scoping out future threats - I would be leading a very tiring and lonely life.  He is 40 years old, I am not the first woman he’s ever met and won’t be the last - so he is to not look, not talk to or not interact with these women just because we are together?  That doesn’t make any sense to me.

I sit at this job ALL DAY LONG in front of a computer with total internet access.  Around my immediate are a bunch of other people doing the same thing - branch out into the other office buildings and there are still others doing the same thing, branch out across the country and there are still others doing the same thing - do you REALLY think your mate is just sitting there doing data entry?!  Give me a break!  Folks know people, they got myspace pages where they have run into their 4th grade best friend, they belong to discussion groups this is the way of the NEW RELATIONSHIP ERA and folks better get used to it.  If you don’t have a conversation with your intended about your internet activites and how you all want to deal with that - then you better!  Hell I MET MY MAN ON THE INTERNET - now I’m suppose to ban him from it LOL LOL LOL LOL.  We talked, we set parameters, we introduced folks to folks who we know - moving on to the rest of our lives.

Now if you go into it shady then yea - there will be shade.  I can have my IM open and be talking to my friend Scott and Caun comes and I don’t make a move - I don’t start minimizing - I don’t start switching screens or whatever.  I keep talking to my friend Scott.  That’s being an ADULT! 

I am still in a state of shock over my busted ass phone call and it’s not even about the phone call because she KNOW who she dealing with - which is why that was one of the requirements for her to keep dealing with it.  It really has nothing to do with me - that’s why I’m more dismayed at the total bubble bursting of the other party.  All the thoughts I had about them SHATTERED based on that one phone call.  I know you have to do sometimes do what you have to do in the name of keeping the peace but DAYUM!!!!  Telling the TRUTH would have avoided all of this and continuing to tell the TRUTH would have made that phone call not necessary.  So this isn’t even about male/female friendships - this is about LYING and being a PATHOLOGICAL LIAR.  Oh my sistas - you say you want the truth…….Insert Jack whenever you feel like it.

So I asked Caun, would he like me to stop communicating with my online male friends? He told me stop talking to him about the bullshit and tell my friend to pull their damn pants up and fight for their friendship.  I told him nah that’s okay - the cement has been set and it’s dry. The fact that it was so disposable when in THIS instance (cause I can’t speak on any other dirt - but I got a feeling there is landfill somewhere full of it, lol) there was no cause for alarm speaks volumes and I don’t need that in my life.  

So yea this is still on my mind and probably will be for a minute as I sort it all out in terms of just being adults, being in a marriage/relationship and maintaining friendships both male and female.  Maybe I live in a bubble - but both my close friends husbands have female friends they chat with etc. and yes you keep your eyes open - but you don’t go overboard.  MEN WILL MESS UP, lol and now since the playing field is pretty much even - WOMEN WILL FUCK UP AS WELL. Ain’t nobody special anymore - MEN ARE NOT THE SOLE DOGS - therefore we need (especially us over 35) to start dealing in some reality.  Guess what?  I knew some really cool folks prior to me meeting, falling in love and committing to you.  I value our friendships.  I’d like you to meet them - some of them are online and we chat and have conversation and it’s a riot.  You should read this - see they are off tha chain!   I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfortable because we just friends. 

Why we always gotta live alternate lives? Why can’t we just live our entire life the way it was meant to be?  If I have to Hide something from you or make up another life in order to keep the peace or to pacify your insecurities - then we might not be the best fit for each other.

Sorry this is long and drug out - but it was a lot on my mind.