the adventures of pamalicious

I lost a friend.  Not in the way of death, but sometimes when there is a change the feeling is similar if not almost the same.  I don’t have a lot of friends as it is and I’ve spoken about that on this here page - so to lose one, especially in the manner that I did hit hard. 

The day it happened started like any other day.  By the end of that day however, I got a phone call that would rock my world.  Don’t you hate those damn phone calls.  Send me a note by pigeon or something, lol  There it was all laid out before me.  Basically (because I have decided to not put it on BLAST, but I wanted to talk about it), our entire relationship has been built on a lie.  I mean can you say damn near sociopathic type lying.  It has been so ironic because lately a whole bunch of people have been outed as having lied about their books, memoirs etc.  Well in the fashion of the Adventures of Pamalicious - I’ve been LIVING THAT SHIT!! 

It’s one thing to embellish, I can admit a sista might add some sparkle to some stuff from time to time, lol lol,  but the magnitude and intricate nature not to mention consistency of this one right here - boggles the mind.  The problem is now it calls into question the very friendship - were we ever friends (not to sure since the muthafucka threw me under the bus to save themselves with an insult) then again exactly what did we have?  Since most lies have a pinch of truth - maybe we were friends, but I don’t understand why an entire alternate universe had to be made up.  Keeping it real would have made the conversations that much more poignant, I would have been soo happy for the truth of their situation, yet apparently they themselves preferred to live in this world they created - so what could I do.  Not to mention their are other victims in this situation and I feel for them and the possible topsy turvy atmosphere their lives have taken on because of this person.  They destroyed a whole lot in their lives - I hope it was worth it.

I have a range of emotions going on about it when I give it time to come to the forefront.  I am angry at myself for being taken in yet again, when I damn well should have known better, while being extremely angry at them - yet at the same time, I keep replaying a scene from Jungle Fever where Drew said basically, we can sit around and yack yack about all that’s wrong and what not but I lost a friend and that shit hurts (ok that was wayy off and paraphrased but you get the drift, lol).  For well over FIVE YEARS, I have apparently mistakenly nurtured and cared about a relationship with this person - I don’t even know what to do with the time that is now available to me since that person is gone.  I had to end the relationship and there is no reconciling IT’S OVA!! 

Oh well - I will heal and fill that mud hole they stomped in our relationship with something positive.  I guess some part of it will forever be open because there is no closure.  I won’t get an apology, an explanation or anything and then can I believe it - probably not.  I hope that it was worth the losses they are suffering because of it and I STRONGLY recommend that they seek some professional help.  They have lived in a fantasy world for much to long and it’s affected their lives time and time again - it’s time to live in the here and now…it’s time to live in the here and now.

DAMN WHY YOU GOTTA GO AND DO THAT LOVE HUH?!  WHY YOU GOTTA GO AND DO THAT?!