the adventures of pamalicious

You know I think I missed the opportunity to write.

I can remember when I first started to write. It was within my diary and I would write these little ditty’s about this boy in my class.  It expanded to one day I started writing about my life with Michael Jackson.  I remember folks used to want to hear me read that story.  We would sit around and I would read chapters as I wrote them.  It went through our entire lives till we got old.  Our travels, our children, everything.  It was three three five subject composition books and I still have them.

Around that time I also began my knack for everything ending up in the bedroom. I don’t know how erotica became my niche, lol  I could just write it.  Passionate, nasty, lust filled stories just rolled off my fingers. 

It became quite prominent in my writings when I met my first ‘muse’. It was the first man I dated after being widowed.  I don’t know why he became my muse. Maybe because he genuinely was digging my sex.  He was most appreciative and it caused me to write.  I wrote an entire book of short stories during the year or so I dated him. They started out as foreplay for our relationship and blossomed into the book. 

The internet also helped expand that writing side of me. I belonged to several ‘writing circles’ online at the time over on prodigy.  I was writing erotic fiction what I would term a good five years before it became popular. I should have went for it - then all of a sudden it was out and it was popular and I was sitting with the duh duh, lol

Years later, I wrote a manuscript about young women tentatively titled Trials and Tribulations. A set of short stories that I had intended to have one side of the book be the stories about the regular trials that young women go through and then when you flip the book over upside down the other portion was the tribulations. The stories are titled with a girls name. I have stories about developing late, playing with toys longer than teen society deems necessary, I have a story set in slavery, one about a girl in the 60’s getting strung out on a young black panther, weight, teenage dating abuse etc. etc.

Now that my child is 14 and she’s reading I see shelves and shelves of Young Adult fiction and I’m like hmmm would my book work? I wrote it in WANG when I worked in NY (lol) It needs to be retyped - I can’t muster the motivation to retype it.

These instances make me believe that I don’t really want to write. Discussion groups and then blogging rank as the most recent things to fuck up my writers flow.  It also has affected my school work.  Going from these types of freeform styles to technical writing is hard. 

I also guess deep inside the fact my mom doesn’t find anything I write remotely interesting has hindered me. SIGH.  She’s always been one to want you to speak on the topics she speaks on and write on topics that are relevant to our people. I am a fiction writer with an erotic edge. Yet her disinterest in my writing has stunted that thought tremendously.  The few times she’s read what I have written it was met with indifference as if she was afraid to know other sides of me as an adult woman or maybe remember those sides of her. Whatever the case may be it has affected me.

Mini-me is writing. It’s in her blood. She has begun writing a gothic novel. Too many  viewings of Kill Bill have inspired her to write dark, assassin type stories. She writes quite well and with a maturity that boggles me.  I have had to tell her that an incestual rape scene is NOT going in a book by a 14 year old. She bounces back, it add the necessary back story to round out the main character and her motivations to be a killer.  Um yea okay - but that will have to wait a couple of years missy, lol 

Outside of that I won’t stifle her writing - it’s one of the most powerful creative outlets available to us. 

Inside of me I know I have a book.  Hell I have two books on the shelf in my office, lol  I just need to give them wings and see if they will fly.