the adventures of pamalicious

Originally Posted December 20, 2005

You know sometimes we can recall with vivid detail, everything that goes wrong in a relationship. The folder for that person is full of stuff but the things we pull up first AFTER the fact are all the bad things. In the car this morning, I was listening to some Howard Hewitt and thinking about good times with Brothers I’ve known. I can’t even front - I haven’t had a lot of drama filled relationships. Things just usually drift off either due to the religious cross-roads, or they aren’t ready to take it someplace else and the like. I’ve had a cheating episode (him not me) , but even that was (based on some drama I read about) a 3 on the drama scale, lol So because I feel like rambling and I’m so excited that Serial Dater has decided to finish some of his stories - I wanna talk about me, bros and the good times.

Of course I’ll start with a ‘Mobetta’ story. Ya’ll know we met on line, but the very first time we met face to face was funny. We had been talking a good six months when he had to come to Atlanta on business. He extended his trip and I went to pick him up. I was sooo nervous but excited at the same time. I came into the complex where his business partner stayed and he met me at the front gate. He got out the car and I got out the car and it was like wow, we are actually standing in front of each other! We got in the car and all the nervousness melted away and we both exhaled and got to talking. He was much more built than his pictures allowed and Thank God I was a lot thinner than my pictures allowed (still am dammit!). I had planned a great weekend for us. I wanted to do something ‘different’ and not be all about the floss etc. So I took him to this little restaurant called EATS. They have the best jerk chicken in this whole city and they are dirt cheap. 1/2 a chicken two sides 6 bucks. As we stood in line - very very casually, he started bumping into me in a sexual way. I couldn’t do anything but laugh. We sitting eating and my cell phone is blowing up and I had to admit it was my ‘get out the date’ contact (janet). We had a good laugh on that as we both ignored each of our phones ringing, lol. At the time I had never had a man visit me from out of town that I had met on the net. I wasn’t quite sure how it was suppose to go, but we were soo comfortable with each other (hell all that time we logged online and the phone). Back at the house is when my nervousness got going again. We got all comfortable and what not and I put on "The Best Man". Morris Chestnut would certainly relax me, especially when the man sitting next to me was finer, lol. That’s when we had our first kiss - which I burst out laughing from nervousness. Then he excused himself to go to the bathroom. I was sitting there and as Morris came on the screen - I looked up and this man came around the corner from my bathroom with PJ bottoms and no shirt. To this day that image is BURNED IN MY MIND. I didn’t know he was going to come out like that! I’m over here now grinning like a fool. 5′10, Wesley Snipes black, 225 solid and even (no chicken legs). Me and this man here! We had the best weekend! We went to The King Center, The APEX museum, we walked Auburn Avenue just chillin, talking, we had fish and bean pies and the vibe and groove was great. That began a relationship that spanned three years back and forth between our states. We had better times on my turf than his (we always fell out about his shady ways at his house, lol). I remember one time, no lie we stayed on the phone 9 hours. Who the hell has that much to talk about, lol. We spent time with the kids. We brought in the New Year asleep on my floor where I had decorated the house, We took long drives in his town looking at homes etc.

THE RELATIONSHIP POSITIVE: He set the groundwork for how I wanted to be treated in a relationship as a grown woman.  It also debunked a lot of myths about ex’s being friends.  Currently we have a GREAT friendship and I consider him a friend.  I still credit this relationship as the first real one I had as an adult post widowhood.

I was the front desk receptionist at a job and in walks ‘Fireman’. He took one look at me and decided I was going to be with him. I was fighting it tooth and nail. I wasn’t sure if I liked him like that. He had some cute bowed legs but he was so abrupt. You know women - it can be something odd that will finally melt our resolve. Mine was he asked for my number everyday and I turned him down, well one time I said it backwards, very flippantly as he was walking out the door. Later on that evening he called me. Memory like that - deserves a bit of conversation. We were like night and day and though I always felt like I needed to check his pulse - we had this incredible heat. My fondest memory is one time we got in an elevator together and I could almost see the sparks. Elevator broke. We stuck - he attached it to our connection, lol. That was his running line from that moment on. I can’t really say much about our actual relationship - I learned some things sho nuff, but I throughly liked our flirtation process.

THE RELATIONSHIP POSITIVE:  He pursued me relentlessly in sometimes creative ways.  He also made me examine my stress levels - it really ain’t that serious. He also was my first and only ‘office romance’.

To come home and see a car parked right at your front window, grass be damned was something I became used to messin round with ‘marriage minded’. Our relationship went quickly - we had spoken, lost touch and reconnected. Because he lived very close to me - we just kinda started kicking it. He was a very open person - wanted to know and wanted you to know. He had no problem with you showing up at his home. He was the one man where I spent time more over his home than mine and it was REFRESHING. Mini-me and I would go over afterwork (one of three instances in her life where she was involved in the relationship as well). He would cook dinner for us and we would just chill over his house. He had no cable or nothing, but we had a good time. We would have the oddest dates, lol Like we would go to the dollar store and just shop. He also has been the ONLY man who has ever contributed to my household that didn’t live with me. He would say get a cart and I was able to stock up on supplies etc. He was a pack rat on this kinda thing and wanted me to be as well, lol. We would have dates at the farmers market or mall dates where we would just hang out at these stores. We were always in the streets or at each others homes etc. I enjoyed the genuine attention.

THE RELATIONSHIP POSITIVE: He took good ‘care’ of me and the experience of a man not being ‘afraid’ of relationships and family was a good one.

I went to High school with "Italy"  couldn’t tell you who he was to save my life when I think back, lol  Surprisingly, I met him on-line which is when we discovered we went to school together. He was born and raised here.  We chatted for awhile and eventually moved to the phone. He lived about 6 or so hours from here in South Georgia.  He is in the military.  He was soo cocky and soo full of himself.  It was intriguing, that kinda swagger. We met and not trying to be crass but it was on and poppin. This negro was SUPER fine - I mean I can lift a buick fine (is the biggest in terms of muscular man I’ve ever dated).  He was the most relaxed funny man.  He made it quite plain he wasn’t having a relationship and his vibe was so off the chain - I didn’t even care.  Yet his brought newness to something that could have been tacky because he nutured his jump-off’s, lol  He called, we talked for HOURS, we knew all about each other.  It rocked you plum to sleep, lol  He was some kinda machine too (snicker).  Whew!

THE RELATIONSHIP POSITIVE:  I was introduced to the power of straight lust and sexual freedom big time.  My first and only sex based relationship. Broaden my thought process on the whole thing and men’s intentions about that situation. 

So now of course I have just as much to say about what was/is wrong with these relationships, but sometimes people want and need to know that they were appreciated and this for me is letting these brothers know that while things went to the left and what happened happened and it was just not meant to be I welcomed you into my life and through it all took something positive away and as you reflect, I hope that you can say you got something positive from me that hopefully we all are using as we continue on this journey.