the adventures of pamalicious

"I’mma need you to do better is one of my favorite saying", it does apply to me as well.  I know that there is this perception that I sit in a mirrored room admiring myself all the time (lol) and I also know that on some level I perpetuate this, especially because I’m head cheerleader for Team Pam and Team Magnegro.  In actuality, however, as part of the maturing process - I have looked outside of myself and I do have people that I admire, feel are mentors and that I look to as inspiration. I keep my eye on several of them. They teach me without even trying and inspire me to do better. 

It goes without saying that my momma and daddy are the first ones. 

My momma for giving me the foundation to step on out here in the world and for who she is.  Ignore her and what she did if you want, but she’s not going away.

My daddy because for everyday that I was blessed to be in his presence, I never saw him get up, get dressed and go punch in with Mr. Charlie about anything!  Never!  He still is the only totally free:  mentally, spiritually and physically black man I’ve ever encountered. 

My Very First Boss - when I hit NYC I worked for him at my very first non-profit.  Having such admiration for my Father. I was blessed to happen upon a black man in ‘corporate’ America who was handling his.  He solidified that you can maintain your dignity and get your hustle on out here as a black man.  He also mentored and got me ready for the workforce.  I will forever be indebted to him. 

My First Black Woman Boss - I was real leery about that one but that Sista was BAD.  She actually was overqualified for the position, but it worked to our advantage because I got a glimpse of good leadership.  I saw the obstacles she dealt with and it inspired me to step up my game. I didn’t want to fail that Sista. I was coming from a very dark place professionally, and she made me sit up and take notice.  In trying to not throw her under the bus, I pulled my own self out of it’s path.  She was only here briefly but she left a lasting impression on me.

My last Boss - was also a Sista and I credit her with spurring me to go back to school.  Yes my momma had been on me for years about finishing up - but the tone was not appreciative to my ears and my first reaction was to rebel (I know I know).  Well here came this sista from the profit world and she was dynamic, focused and educated.  She spoke to us about empowering ourselves and she happened to have caught me at a period where I was so unsteady on my feet career wise. I was pushing 40, still a secretary and feeling embarassed.  I had no career - I had a job and one I didn’t even like very much.  The period of working to provide was slowly coming to an end - my child was out of that ‘zone’ where you do things and make moves for them and now I needed to make some moves because of her. I wanted her to be proud of me and I wanted to break the cycle in my family about post-secondary education.  Watching her and then watching the savvy way in which she left got me right on it.  Now I feel equal and educated and powerful. 

My current boss - I guess I’m just blessed all the way around because once again I have another sister (yes I have had ALOT of BOSSES in my 9 years in the same position).  This one actually became a personal friend as well as a professional one and then eventually achieved the position of my boss.  She also had three children, a husband and completed her Bachelors in Accounting at Georgia State, all while working full time. It took her YEARS, but she did it.  What about her that inspires me however is not about her being my supervisor it is about her spirit and her integrity. She has the most beautiful spirit and I credit her with showing me the model for what a Christian proposes they are suppose to be (She’s the only one I believe as a matter of fact, sorry).  She LIVES it and it shows.  Her spirit moves me sometimes.  I’m quick on the trigger and can be an ass and have to work on my small evil streak, but if you stand next to this Sista - you can feel the peace in her heart - she calms my soul.  I’ve seen her in tremendous situations and she keeps a level head and offers from and of herself.  Caun has even spoke of her spirit.  She has and continues to teach me a lot about living the word for yourself, within yourself, whatever your ‘word’ may be.

and finally…

Caun - I know everyone is breathing deeply with the here she goes.  However, I know more women than I care to admit who say they love their man but talk about him so bad. They don’t respect him or admire him and I happen to genuinely admire Caun.  It’s the catalyst of me falling in love with him.  I won’t go into details about what space this Brother came from, but where others would have crumbled and he’s been on his knees in despair - he has risen and he has not lost himself. He first of all is the kindest human being I’ve ever met. You all know that I have to be a pitbull on his behalf cause he can and has been taken advantage of. He also has an innate and great love and respect for women.  He was made to have all girls and just be around women. I can’t take a jealous stance because that’s who he is - it just his. 

However, the thing I admire the most about Caun is he has taught me about…dreams.  He has always had one and even though he’s been sidestepped and stepped on, he continues to pursue it.  As fanciful as I am, I am a realist and a pessimist at that (lol).  He proves to me daily that it’s alright to dream and to have passion and to not let anyone steal your joy. 

Someone asked me why does he dress so nicely isn’t he in facilities.  I paused for a moment and replied, "Yes he is in facilities, but he dresses for where he’s going not where he’s at"  So yes you might see him moving file cabinets in a suit - but then again you might see him meeting with top executives of a local radio station that afternoon.  My daddy used to tell us, " A man dressed in sneakers is ready for sport and play - a man dressed in a suit is ready for business" and Caun personifies that notion in my mind.  He’s going to succeed even if he reaches it on his hands and knees and that inspires me on the daily. It’s never to late, there’s never too much and you’re never too old.