Some Trees have rotten branches
As we all start to ramp it up about how Thankful and Grateful we are as the official holiday season begins - I’d like to take this Tuesday to talk about that other side - the ungrateful muthafuckas. We been joking and what not on various blogs about those wonderful people called our family. Especially around the holidays when for alot of us in this modern, we all don’t live around the corner from each other, get together. However, alot of us, especially when you got big families got some foul ass branches in that family tree.
I’m making a public announcement:
That is one thing that will tick me off and I will tell you about it. Yea I am IN LOVE with me and I’m IN LOVE with my man and I employ the principle of Fabulocity - but I am not a shallow person or a selfish one. What I am is a broad that is not going to be guilted into or played about shit.
For some reason (which behooves me considering we were not of means by any stretch of the imagination) alot of folks in my family have placed ‘pricetags’ on our familial bonds. I hear all the time in my life, other families doing for each other, babysitting, running errands etc. and it’s just…done. In my family - things for each other are a ’service’ and thus there is a charge.
To list all the things I have contributed as one who figured out how to move, get a job and maintain for my entire adult life - would be fruitless because cataracts run amok.
Once I peeped the method to the madness - I started to define how I interact. I don’t count or charge for my kindness. My friends don’t either. We just do for each other. Be it a kind word, a few dollars or remembering that on this day you met your husband so here’s a funny gift for you. Not only am I not selfish, but having come up off of 13 years of singledom and the assistance I have gotten in times during that period - I have no right to be.
Familial amnesia is a muthafucka - let me tell you. How in three levels of the hottest section of hell - can someone who for the most part has been a receiver for most of their adult life - sit somewhere and tell you that you haven’t done shit for me and mines and direct it towards me - who is not the official giver of you and yours to begin with? It stings when that person makes the accusations and they are a direct branch from your tree - but it’s damn stone cold absurd when you are just a twig on the branch from the tree.
Young love gone to your head, not their fault, need a bed? 16 yrs old two kids baby daddy who is lost - here’s food, furniture, clothes - don’t worry bout the cost. You got ALOT of nerve!
Being ungrateful is ugly ugly ugly. However, when it’s prefaced by hate - it’s even worse. I tell mini-me, don’t you ever dumb down your accomplishments or your happiness in the way you living to appease someone who is not happy with theirs.
Especially when you all raised with the exact same information, if you can’t figure it out - it ain’t my fault!
Yea this post is rambled, but I’m angry. I wonder about folks who feel you have to pay to appease them for their shortcomings and if you are not doing it at the rate or in the way they feel it should be done - then you haven’t done shit for them.
Now I have to give you an example and really not do shit for you - let’s see if you see the difference.
Nikita Says:
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. You are NOT at all selfish. Taking care of yourself is part of your responsibility as well. It is amazing how family will forget how you have been there, how you showed up and did without any expectations just a whole lotta love.
Let the steam blow, be angry, but after ALL of that get back to being who you usually are … a sweet, kind, silly person who has peace residing in her heart.
Posted on November 20th, 2007 at 12:25 pm
Jaila Says:
long as this crap dont have u wanting to eat a whole pie (like it would me) then you are all good.
Hell wit all that madness.
Posted on November 20th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
Ondrea Says:
Oh boy. I have been here and back. Please, please, please don’t let this steal your joy. Whoever that person is they are miserable and not worth the energy. Don’t give them the pleasure of bringing you down. I don’t know you on a personal level, aside from the personal things you share on your blog. But I can’t imagine considering you a selfish person.
Alot of people, mostly family, have that “what have you done for me lately” syndrome. You can do alot for them but the one time you say no they forget all the times you said yes. My son said that to me when he was about 15 or 16. Hurt me to my heart because I was a single parent with him and he never needed or wanted for anything. But in that moment that I said no all of that was wiped away.
Now at 20, I only do things for him when I want to. He has to take care of himself. Just as you said “Now I have to give you an example and really not do shit for you - let’s see if you see the difference.” You have the right idea and trust me they will see the difference - my son does.
Now you go enjoy your HOLIDAY Pam-style and don’t let stupid a$$ folks get you down!
Posted on November 20th, 2007 at 1:46 pm
Rosalind Says:
I feel your pain. Some of my family tried to run the guilt trip on me (and throw in the “you think you’re better” BS as a bonus) but they found out real quick that that ish don’t phase me AT ALL.
Don’t let them get to you. They’re projecting, Pam. They look at you and what you’ve accomplished and it reminds them of their own shortcomings, whatever they be. They’re really angry at themselves, but we know it’s always easier to blame others than take responsibility and fix the problem or address the issue.
Water and ducks.
Posted on November 20th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
Monica C. Says:
Crabs! They want to pull you down to the bottom of the barrel, but don’t let ‘em. You are - and have been - on your way up and out - that’s what’s most important!
Posted on November 20th, 2007 at 3:35 pm