the adventures of pamalicious

I am in a place of blahness.  I think I am on my way into that cycle where you need to rejuvenate yourself.  I am just feeling so…….BLAHHHH. Little mental gnats are picking at me.  Causing me to lash out in the air and accidently smack my ownself in the head.

• I am dissatisfied with my entire beauty and wardrobe game. It’s janky.  I don’t even HAVE a beauty regime.  I never really have.  I don’t have breakouts etc. so I’ve never really been one of those that buys say cleaners and astrigents etc. and when I do to try to make sure I keep things going; they just fall by the wayside.  Even if I don’t take off my make up - my face still glows.  My skin is tight, but I can see that I am aging, I’m 41 there are signs of wear and tear.  I need to find me an Avon lady with the quickness.  My hair - I enjoy doing my hair but I want to go back to the hair dresser and get back on the schedule.  I quit as a way to save money (oh and my damn hairdresser deserted me after two years - she still MIA).  Once I added Goddess to the mix, it was just expensive.  Well I’m ready to go back, but now I can’t figure out how to pull that money out again.  I want my nails and feet done, though I’m going to let my own nails grow back out.  My clothes, my clothes.  I really would love to have a consultant to just lead me in the right direction.  I think that if I totally just stop pretending that I don’t want trendy nice clothes and take my ass to the mall and spend the money necessary to look great - especially as a plump woman, I would feel a ton of a lot better…speaking of ton.

 

• I am dissatisfied with myself and my weight.  I can’t fanthom why I am having such a hard time looking at it for what it is. Happiness can skew that for you as well as acceptance.  You get rocked to sleep by all that and it hides what you should be doing.  I am at the top end of where I need to be 5-0 is the magic number for me.  I don’t understand why I am insisting on killing myself admist this kinda happiness?!  Damn me!  I was looking at some pictures and I looked at when I had got the 50 off before.  I was feeling and looking so good.  I thought about the fabulousity (yea Kimora you got me on that one) that I possess now and how CAUn hasn’t ever experienced it with the 50 gone and that did it for me.  He deserves my full Fabulosity! My birthday gift to him will be me in my full Fabulosity. He will turn 40 in February with me throwing away the 50!  I just need to do this myself. I don’t need a cheering section, diet police or the like.  Just let me do me on this. 

 

• When we push our kids academically to the point of exhaustion and it’s only WEEK TWO of school and we keep telling them it’s getting them ready for the real world? Are we really doing them any justice?  I just keep thinking about what Chris Rock said in that the Nation is actually made up of ‘Average’ people; B and C students.  I know education is important and grades matter while IN school and to acquire maybe your first job - but I’m just not one that is going to overly push Goddess to the point of her not doing anything but homework.  I just don’t believe that these students in the long run necessarily end up doing better.  Especially in the Black Community.  I just think that we were so denied education, that now we are going overboard. It’s more of a symbol that we’ve achieved some sort of lateral equality with toubobs than anything else. Folks are so school snobby here.  My child is in this Magnet program, my child goes to this theme school, my child has to be on the bus at 5:15 am to travel through six school districts to get to school, my child has homework from all six classes every night and two projects.  GIVE ME A BREAK! Goddess even had girls no longer talk to her when they moved to the theme school and she didn’t.  Look at me cross-eyed all you want because my stance is Goddess has a 3.50 and she’s doing just fine. She also travels, has interests and goals and is independent and knows how to mingle with different walks of life and is considered one of the most well rounded students in her class.  I’m NOT SAYING that you shouldn’t strive for the best education for your child - or that ALL KIDS are included in this, but all that extra drama folks bringing to their kids life….Okay whatever.

Well because for some reason, I didn’t send the memo out that I WAS NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THIS SHIT TODAY!  I’m going to have to cut the five to three and move on.  For the next three days, this will turn into a Visual Blog as I bombard ya’ll with pictures of the Magnegroes Past.