the adventures of pamalicious

Ahh the first time. Isn’t it funny how we remember two sexual events:  The first time and the last time, lol  Sometimes what’s in between seems to slip our mind, lol  Well it’s Thursday again so time to go back….back in time.  Let me dig deep into the recesses of my mind and remember my very first time.

I had been dating Goddess Father for just shy of a year, long distance.  Basically he wasn’t moving fast enough for me.  Here I was being ‘faithful’ missing out on all that fineness that was at my college and this man was like at first base.  I was about to explode!  So I decided to just take things into my own hands. 

Now being the entirely anal person about something that could change my life forever, I went to planned parenthood and put my own damn self on birth control exactly three months in advance (yes I really did this).  I didn’t want anything to go awry.   I read up again through the joys of sex and various other more shall we say provocative literature how this was suppose to go. 

Next I put my plan into action.  I told the folks that I was going to the library with a friend all day and would be back that evening.  I took the money I had been saving up and hopped aboard the Amtrack Train straight to Grand Central Station!  I had already told him I was coming to spend the day with him.  He had no idea what my intentions were.

I remember him meeting me and us hanging out in Manhattan for awhile before we ended up back at his place in the park outside his home.  We were sitting by the river and I kept looking at him, you know making up my final mind and getting up the courage to proceed with my plan.  I looked at him and point blank told him that he was taking way to long to get close to me and that the reason I came to see him was for him to take my virginity. Yep just like that.  He oblidged and we went back to his apartment. 

Sorry but I don’t have any tales of Heatwave playing in the background as he gently and slowly deflowered me - It was as clinical as it could be. We talked through the whole thing.  He basically told me he was doing me this favor and after a couple of tries - WHOOMP THERE IT WAS!  I was doing the deed.  I distinctly remember such classic lines as:

• I’mma do it fast so that you can really open up
• Lay on these pillows so that your canal can open up
• You didn’t hardly bleed at all
• You ARE on the pill right

I also remember it went on forever and that I had absolutely no feelings, but my body did respond biologically.  I never did have that blackout orgasm I thought I was suppose to have. 

I dove out of bed (I have never been one to be shy about body parts) and pranced around the room looking at myself and my post sex body.  All that talk about my hips were gonna spread etc. I was on the hunt for.  He was amazed and appalled at my ‘freedom’ - Man I am tearing up remember my nice flat firm stomach and how my breast sat up all nice and ripe - he was the first one to ever see em or anything else on me for that matter.  I cleaned up, we went and had dinner and I plopped my ass on the train and came on home.

That began my sexual journey.  In that moment, I embarked upon a crazy mindset, that I was the keeper of my own pleasure.  I needed a man for the tool, but I could send my ownself to estacy just by the power of my mind.  That’s what I did for a very long time people.  I could turn myself on and almost be there before he even entered the picture.  My fantasies about how I would like, totally took over the reality of how it was. 

Looking back, I was so knowledgeable and possessed such an imagination coupled with my penchant for admiring beautiful men and that side of me that was wayy to analytical - that I looked at sex as a pesonal sport.  Since I have pretty much always been in relationship that included a wall on the part of the man and me being a performance hound, I had my own ways to get myself off and they included how well I got him off.  It has taken me awhile to learn that receiving is actually sexy.

Postscript: 

It would be 11 years before I encountered MAN TWO.  It would be until I was in my early 30’s before I encountered AN ORGASM and RAW PHYSICAL ATTRACTION. It would be my late 30’s that I encountered the RELAX AND LET ME DO YOU.  It would be until I met Caun (no lie) that I encountered MAKING LOVE oh and what the big deal was about oral but THAT’s another story, lol