the adventures of pamalicious

Sometimes it Bohooves me how I was popular *SMH* 

Well folks it’s been a quick week. I can’t even complain.  I got my swagger back and came out of it all the wiser. At least when I do go into these funks, I try to make it benefit me when I come out of them.

I want to thank everyone for their comments on yesterday’s post. I can admit to you all that I thought long and hard before I did that post, but I found that video clip and it just fit for Thursday’s Throwback.  I didn’t want the knowledge of that to take away from the individual/independent woman I am striving to be.  As with alot of folks, I’ve struggled with how to have my own identity and to work on that duplicity of who she is to You and who she is to ME which is my mom and thus we are not exempt from alot of the traditional mother/daughter issues.  However, now that you’ve made that connection, I’m sure you now really have a link to the life I’ve had and the life I lead, lol lol lol 

So due to massive server issues, the J-O-B let us off today!! So I ended up with a four day weekend!  YEA!  Caun is off as well and when he gets back we are hitting up the movies.  Should be a pretty good long weekend.  I am going to do something to the head, we are going to a couple of parties and I’m going to do some cleaning.

I received a call from my Academic Advisor letting me know that I had FIVE CLASSES TO GO!!  I had to choose some electives and I went with some flushing out type courses that would offer me some fun. Introduction to Film, Social Phychology and Interpersonal Communications. Due to the fact that the program is one class at a time for five weeks; I won’t graduate till March but that’s really cool.  I am now contemplating Graduate School. I would take a break till September and I could have my Masters in this program by Late winter (Jan/Feb) of 2010.  Maybe I should just go all the way and irregardless of my inability to pinpoint what I want to do, I will have all the educational paperwork to do it when I do decide.  What do ya’ll think. I would be 43 years old.  

Well let me get off of here and start to get dressed or something like that.  I want everyone to have a safe Labor Day Weekend and I want to see some BBQ and Party pictures!

PEACE!!!!!!!!

Ahhh, I remember sitting and watching this with my family. Funny stuff I tell yah. You know sometimes I think about my mom’s so called hey day and how much she has impacted the community whether the community wants to admit and give her her props or not. There are alot of things that we take for granted that ultimately my mom had a hand in. All those wonderful books you have an opportunity to read written for black by blacks - she was the pioneer in getting our authors the recognition that they deserved and needed. When she came out with her book - she made the promise that she would only sell to Black Book Stores and distributors to this day that’s what she has done. The black book store exploded soley on the sale of her books and some would not exist today if they had not of had the push her book gave.  We flocked to them and along the way we discovered other black writers, we started to write and feel our work could be mainstream and today you have what we have.

Alot of people don’t know that she performed a Prince like move and wrote, published, printed and publicized all of her own work. She owns the plate to her books and was one of the if not the first black authors to make $.80 on the dollar instead of the other way around, as you would get if you gave it to one of the big publishers.

Those old enough to remember or have parents who do, remember that she was everywhere and did the talk show circuit continuously. I was in alot of those audiences. Living in NY at the time - I worked up the street from Montel, Phil and Sally and could just go over and come in. I learned alot about the talkshow business and how it works.

My mom knew going into it that what she had to say was NOT going to be received well, but I don’t think any of us thought it would instigate the type of venom that it did. Even after she pulled the ‘famous quote’ and edited future editions and backed up off of that statement, like we do, we kept on discrediting her message - because we (1) didn’t like it and (2) it hit to close to home and (3) the messenger wasn’t wrapped in something we idolize…like the cross/cresent moon. In 2007, I am reflective sometimes as I read, hear, look at the condition of our couples and the dating atmosphere etc. etc. because if NONE of what she said held any water - why are we bascially swimming in our own juices? Why are our relationships in the condition that they are in? Why are there still sooooo many sisters talking the same rap they had almost 20 years ago (cause it’s been that long)? I also shake my head, because in my opinion I have seen PLENTY of broads that needed a swift kick in the ass, a roundhouse if you ask me so a smack in the mouth would have been lightweight. I read the book, I read all of her books. I was raised by the woman who wrote the book and I saw some of myself in the book. That which I didn’t see I shucked to the left, that which caused me discomfort - I ran from but as I matured, I have revisited it and tucked it into my pocket and ultimately it has helped me because now I’m in a marriage situation and I’m rolling along making sure my marriage stays viable and alot of that has to do with how I carry myself.

My mom was oh so popular. Now she’s not so much, but she’s revered and respected the world over. Her books are still used in colleges throughout the country as required reading , she still gets speaking engagements on the regular. As with alot of things that don’t reek of southern principles, she is much more well received in the Northern States. She is more a friend of men than of women.

The one thing that folks can never say about her, was that she put aside her principals and ’sold out’ and you know how black folks got issues with that. She has the letters where Barnes and Noble tried to buy the rights to her books, she turned them down. She has all the stories about telling Oprah no and others because she wouldn’t cater to their agendas. I tell her all the time she doesn’t play well with others, but she always shoots back - if you knew how they really played, you would be throwing sand yourself.

In between all of that, she’s done other things. Did you know she used to be Janet Jackson’s personal assistant? Yea all for 3-6 months during the control years. She had to let that go due to her inability to cow down to someone who was the same age as me. We got alot of cool stuff out of it though, memorbilia and even a phone call from Miss Jackson herself.

For a 5′2 inch woman who has been mocked, talked about, made fun of, disrespected, threatened with death, disqualified, and alot of more things - she’s kept her dignity and her civilization and for that she won’t ever be forgotten.

So yea, I’m damn proud of my Mother and her accomplishments and if you hear her on the radio with Al Sharpton, or marching in Philadelphia for the rights of black school children in those messed up schools or speaking and teaching young mothers about how to raise strong children - you can say Hey that’s Pam’s mom but whatever you do - give SHAHRAZAD ALI her her props and respect because she deserves it.

I started drinking as soon as I got in the house. I was (and on some level still am) having a hard time wrapping my mind around the concept that I was deemed not qualifed enough to basically do the same fucking job I currently have.  I still have the handprint of that slap on my face.  Anyhoo - it was a turbulant evening and I chose to build me a liquor armour.  I slept peacefully by the time the lights were out.  I awoke this morning, undecided about how I should make my day go, then I heard a word……..

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I have alot on my mind, it has kept me up last night. You know that I only have about three things that will crumble this finely crafted fabulocity: My family and their woes, My relationship with my mom and my job and lack of career. Well the latter has reared it’s head. So I now had that to think about, but what has been bugging me is that I still don’t really have any concrete career aspirations, yet I am sickened that I have let myself basically wallow in this position for NINE YEARS! I don’t interact with the public, I have no need for any of my creative skills - it’s just dead. All of the creative outlets I have are in my private life  The spark has left my eyes and it’s something I do to pay the bills.