the adventures of pamalicious

Disclaimer:  This will get mushy, if you are allergic to love or me being in the throes of it - please feel free to continue to your next favorite blog

• 551 dayssss give or take a few. That’s the amount of time I have been involved with Mr. Caun Magnegro.  When I look in my mind the snapshops breeze past like a slide presentation.  Some in color, some in black and white but all full of life.  We are still labeled the honeymooners and usually evoke gagging signs from people both single and married, lol  That’s ok, I’m loving every minute of it. I tried the other day to compare the length and depth of this relationship (because even though we are married, it’s a relationship) to some of my others and it’s interesting when you look at things.  I seem to see myself as being enthusiastic, alot of times to a fault, diving right into the deep water - lifevest be damned.  My relationships can all be summed up with that parable the tortise and the hare - I’m all up in some other plane and there is the man just a moseying along; each of us with our own individual agendas towards our own finish lines.  The difference in this is that we both stepped on the same road at the same time and continue to run and/or walk this one together.  I be damn that I had the relevation that I’ve never walked the same path with a man before - whether it be by my own doing or lack of seeing what he was doing.  Dayum I tell yah!

• There is still such the wonderfulness of newness between us. That wonderful feeling that just has your heart doing flippy flops and your loins reacting just because they within 20 feet of your presence, lol  There is nothing in this world more sexy and affirming than your man being aroused just by your presence in the room, in the house, in the world!  Because of this feeling, I am still enthralled by all that is CAUN. I will just sit around and look at him sometimes.  I prefer to do this while he’s sleep.  I am most captivated by his beautiful dark skin.  He is the exact same color and hue all over - just seems like miles and miles of rich chocolate.  When he shifts in his sleep his shoulders pull and tug at the wife beater.  He has the best legs in the world and those thighs that make lots of Toubob quiver in fear just on GP, lol (Ya’ll know how they act about runners etc. and their thigh mass in relation to theirs).  Caun and I always are examining each other, lol  We just look at each other soaking in our features etc.  He knows every wrinkle my face makes and every nuance.  Yes it took a short minute to get accustomed to the scrutiny and the looks and the traces of chocolate fingers over expanses of skin that might not be society approval flat, but I got over it because of the sheer love and desire and satisfaction involved.  I hope we never lose this.

• I took a moment to listen to our communication and log in some of our ‘love language’:  Scoop Ball Head, Wit yo Punk Ass, I’mma need you to (insert something), yo momma, You asking for a beating, stop beating me about the neck and back, you and your poofs (he calls my balled up fist this to discredit they have any power), Ain’t nobody trying to see you Otis, This Grown Man Business, That’s so Disrespectful (from ATL), The quest for 1,000 funky feet jokes in a year, I see why your momma kept you locked up, Freak, You doing yo womann (anything like cooking, cleaning etc. is referred to as woman), You know I love you baby (said after just about anything) - Yea we got that VIOLENT love, lol lol lol

• Irregardless of the bliss, there is always room for worries, I think right now my biggest worry is this impending custody battle.  Yea, I’m divulging this information at this time.  It’s not the battle itself; it’s the realization that I might be mothering a younger person that was not raised in my home.  I am of the school of thought that kids get their foundation by the time they are five - anything else is just restating the original point in different ways and formats.  I’m glad that her father was around during those formative years, but as we know for the most part the woman is responsible for setting up the foundation of how a child is going to be.  Well with me saying that - she is going to be coming into an entirely new atmosphere, a new way of doing things, a new philosophy and everything.  Now alot of it is in line with her Father, but some of it may not be.  It also is going to put a new dynamic  on our relationship.  I also have always said that relationships can be going swimmingly until you add a child he is attached to in the mix.  I do think it’s going to be some strains and pains on our relationship as we adjust, because I can’t foster a relationship on what he thinks it should be, I have to develop my relationship in my way with his (our) child.  He might know all there is to know about her and her personality, but I have to learn it and possibly find a niche where we connect.  We already had a small blowout about it because she’s known to be very physical and well you know I”m a girlie girl and so when i purchase etc.  I go with that.  The few times we’ve hung together, I’ve noticed that she actually does enjoy doing girlie things, but if that’s not what you’re seeing or experiencing - then you don’t exhibit it.  So this worries me.
• For some reason I watched “Waiting to Exhale” twice this weekend. Even got the book out to reread the ending since the movie is soo different.  I never really ‘liked’ this movie in the beginning, but I started to enjoy it this time around.  I think that viewing your life fro single to married is easier than the other way around.  Folks who are no longer married don’t spend alot of time looking back at that, but I enjoy looking back at my single years and discovering new things about that time and about myself and my thinking and what not.  It’s quite interesting. I found myself laughing at alot of stuff and couldn’t even deny that yea you do run into that brother or this brother and wow that mindset makes more sense now than it did awhile ago.  I think that everyone should always remember where they came from, apply it to where they are at and save up for where they are going.  As always the part with Bernedette and Wesley’s character reduces me to tears.  I have no idea why that happens - but that was the realest of all the exhales to me. That scene in the book has me in hysterics.  I need to examine that.

In conclusion to this lonng post (I told ya’ll I had all kinds of stuff on my mind this week) - Caun said his minister said something that I would like to share: Don’t ask God to bring you a man, as God to make you the choice the man would want to make. 

Let that marinate.