- Today is a good day! I woke up with new things on my mind and anticipation for even newer things. Last evening I started back walked and I’ve made a resolution to myself that when we get back from Disney I’m going to get this together. How can I be walking around with all this glow and all this fabulousness (in my head of course) and the deep dark secret is that my diabetes are still about 40% out of control and I am 95% out of control on my eating and drinking. I am tired of that little secret and now I not only want but I Need to get it together. I still don’t know when I decided this wasn’t a problem - but when you sit down and basically say, “Hey I got about 30 more years to live” then you know it’s time to get a smack in the head and get your ass into gear! I will do it this time - I can enjoy life and stay alive! I can!
- There is one thing that I have envied since I became an adult and it still lurks in my heart since I became grown and that’s all the women who have that great casual relationship with their moms. Those that not only share mutual love but respect, honor and friendship as well. Those that come to me and say, “Hey me and my mom are going on a cruise together” or ”My mom and I hang out all the time”. I see ya’ll bouncing around, communicating and being openly affectionate. Yea your mom is your mom and she set in her ways, but you all have made that ever elusive merger into two grown women who are Mother and Daughter. My sight in my own life is hazy and fuzzy at best. My mom and I have a formal relationship and at this point - I’m just going to have to live with that and see how I can make that work. I need to make it work, because it’s making me weary and over the years it has slowly ground down my back teeth (if you understand that methphor). My coming to understand that this is the way it is going to be is a HUGE step and I don’t have to be defined by it, but it is my reality. I have shaved the legs of the stool I teter on down, and I am now back on solid ground. I will stop at 41, letting that stool rock because of anything other than what I have approved as rockable. Validate yourself, take opinions and put it all under advisement. Smile and put your heart at ease. Love in spite of and free yourself from your own suitcase. There is a plan and obviously you aren’t in charge. Honor thy Parents. Amen!
- I look back on my life and I wasted alot of time….growing. If I had of grown earlier; then my movement would have been greater. I am one who is just hitting my stride, just carving my niche, just bursting out of my cocoon. Alot of things I stuck to as my personal gospel, have paid off in their own time. I have absorbed everything and needed to learn how to absorb just the nutrients. So much time spent…flushing. Now my pancreas is shot both literally and figuratively. My blood is slow - I get sleepy from overloads that cause my head to ache and my feet to swell. I am the happiest I’ve ever been both inside and out. I look in the mirror and see beauty and glimmers of pure tranquility. My walk is meant to be casual, my dress relaxed, my frown lines reduced. There is a fast lane if you need to take it; but I’m fine, no really..I’m fine.
- My Niece went on her first unescorted date the other day. My heart swole with that feeling you get when transition has taken place. I remember her big brown eyes staring up at me many a moon ago and now those same brown eyes are staring into those of a boy. I hope that she sees herself in her entirety and not half which needs to be completed by this boy. I hope that her worth has not mistaken for that V between her legs and I hope that the ills of her Father do not sicken her to the marvels and wonders of…that boy. My Niece’s transition causes a new future folder in my mind to be started….Goddess Monroe takes a Date. My heart flutters…Damn Y Tu Goddess?, Y Tu?
- 110 Million would sit nicely in my bank account, $1000 would sit nicely in my drawer. The numbers look back at me on this scrap of paper, taunting and filling my mind with all the things that money can buy and all the lives that money could help and all the friendships that money could ruin and all the hate that money could foster, but I sure would like to see these numbers weld themselves to this piece of paper in my hand tonite.
Aziza Says:
I’m loving the vibe of today’s entry, but I found a lot of meaning when you said. ==> “Love in spite of and free yourself from your own suitcase. ” Ain’t that the truth times ten.
As I, ahem, get closer to the 40 mark in a few years, I too think about bringing my life into a great state of peace no matter what’s going on. I need to start a walking program and start doing about 30 minutes on my stationary bike. If only my local bakery would stop calling my name.
Posted on July 3rd, 2007 at 8:17 am
TTD Says:
i would love to see those numbers in my bank acct as well!! i hope ur niece sees herself in her entirety as well… some girls just dont know their true value until it’s too late.. but im sure u and her mom did a wonderful job in raising her & ya’ll have nothing to fear
i need to get back into walking as wel…
Posted on July 3rd, 2007 at 10:46 am